29 Apr Abundanzo’s Vegas Line for 2019 Vermont Summer Classic
Las Vegas-New York (UPII-APP)-Tony “Top Choice” Abundanzo announced his opening line for the 9th Annual Vermont Summer Classic WIFFLE Ball Tournament coming up on June 28-29. “Last year was big, but this year here? Fuggedhaboudit. Last year, a sleeper over here, a surprise over there, ya’ know what I’m sayin’? This year, no real lightweights. I mean, possibly very few. I got some heavies here. Half a dozen teams could take this thing, full stop. Another half-dozen I’m hearin’ are strong, and then we got newcomers with nuthin’ on ‘em yet. It’s gonna be huge battles all weekend, all over the joint.”
The Garage: Defending champs. The kid Sanderson’s a handful, this kid. O’Farrell’s been recruiting, re-stocking, re-this re-that. I think he’s worried now that everyone’s gunnin’ for him. I still got The Garage posted as early favorite, 2-1.
Lion Club Striders: First year in the championship. Are your kiddin’ me or what? Them two co-captains, Desabrais and Gillette, they got somethin’. The Lions Striders; big fake left, go right. Fuggedhaboudit. Everybody’s thinkin’ this team’s old, slow, can’t remember each others’ names, what have you. Then they show up with a mix, young, fast, with some older whaddya say, salt and peppahs. They’re gonna challenge, could get back to the Big Game. 4-1, for now.
IBEW Local #300: These guys with the lime green shirts, ma don. They’re top-shelf entertainment, I will say that. A hundred percent. No doubt about it. With Welch on the mound and Ritz yappin’ this and that, who knows. Charbonneau’s up to somethin’ walkin’ around with that grin like he knows somethin’ nobody knows. Rumors on the street are this is happenin’ that’s happenin’. They’re all smilin’ these guys. In the alley, I’d go blind in there with ‘em. On the diamond? Not so much. 10-1, with a decent shot at making the playoffs, if rumors are true.
The Dugout Dawgs: The team manager Cory Knowles has got these Dawgs in for the first time. My info from Orange County is they’ve got potential. Talent-wise, I got nuthin’ on ‘em yet, but I heard they got an Uncle Shane. I knew a guy Shane in Brooklyn. Big Stick, no one messed with so I gotta give ‘em a pop at 6-1.
Breaking Ballers: These guys are original; been in this thing every year. Great name, one of the best. On the field, they keep creepin’ closer, but no cigar, yet. The lottery thing though? Fuggedhaboudit. This Ashley family, they got all the winners every year: the grandma, this aunt, that uncle with the thing, the second cousin twice-removed…I mean, they got all the luck. I gotta get ‘em out here to Vegas. 6-1.
DA Bulls: Adams keeps groomin’ his crew to compete and they keep coming back better every year. Like perennials. What? Is this guy from a farm or somethin’? Pitching staff was the key last year, and like I said, anytime you got an Esposito, good things gotta happen. The bats gotta come through for more runs this year and Ternisky’s gotta have some big games, but Da Bulls got a shot to get into the second round, and then who knows, right? A solid 6-1.
AWAA Blue Kamikazees: New team. A Jimmy, two Jeff’s and a whole crew going West. I dunno what I got here, but my cousin in Albany says they play a lot of WIFFLE ball. I once had a blue kamikaze that knocked me right out. Ba-bap! Took me three days to find myself. If this team hits like that, ma-don. Bein’ from NY could be decisive. This here is my clutch Pick-of-the-Day, 3-1 not knowin’ nuthin’ else.
Green Monsters: French is back. Not the language, but WIFFLE ball, whaddyamacallit, uh, mystique. Yeah, mystique. It’s a guy named French. Dan French. People say he’s so good at WIFFLE ball, he’s a pro. Bottom line, he’s unbelievable. As good as these ricotta meatballs I just had. Bad news for everyone else is this team is loaded. They got beat by that Grady’s Gang three or four years ago, and word is they got a bad taste. 3-1, could be Even by end of June.
Weekend Wifflers: That guy Pion always puts together a decent team, but I got big questions about his work this year. I mean, they go out and sign Shawn “Sinner” Quinn as starting pitcher? I got intel this guy’s drinkin’ Metamucil by the pints and can only throw underhand from twenty feet. And the 4-hole hitter is Colin Chevalier? Get outta here! Cah-MON! He was ofer-a-zillion last year, played like he’s got some huge distraction walkin’ the grounds. 12-1. Next.
Unleashed Chaos: Another new team, comin’ from some place Orleans in the the Northeast Kingdom. I hear they got mooses, deers and bears over there, eatin’ people and jumpin’ on cars. How do you concentrate on catchin’ a fly ball when one of them things could come crashin’ through bushes after you? I researched. Manager Scott Whittemore says him, Flynn and most of the team, they play a lot of softball. Yeah, I got it. Metal bats. I bet all the outfielders put them magnum 44’s in their drawers, too. New, but they gotta be tough with all them critters around. Startin’ out 6-1.
Red, White and Brew: Now you’re talkin’! Openin’ 5-1. Why? Name, #1. What they do, #2. Youz know what they do? Feedbag and brew. Up over in New Hampshire somewhere east and up. Hobbs Tavern and Brewery. Big history. Gets a lot of stars in all them reviews. Team captain Randy Booth says they’re gonna be good. Like I said, I’m buyin’ what he’s sellin’.
Bat Attitudes: This team, I dunno. They could do some real damage. Some serious, solid athletes on the squad here, plus Matt Rahaim. The team manager, this Krista Jones, word is she’s gotta get more competitive. Too nice. The captain Begins tries to get her more amped, but it ain’t workin’. Keefe and Paquin should rumble, while scouts tell me senior leader Tim Rahaim’s doin’ well so far this offseason, should be able to play a few innings each game without needin’ naps. Could go deep, but if they’re in a wheelbarrow race, fuggedhaboudit. Face plant city. 5-1 with no wheelbarrows.
OpenTempo SLAMmers: It’s Return of the Mack! The guy Seward is back with a vengeance, and he’s got an unbelievable supporting cast. Full stop, the best he’s had. These guys are already practicin’, the logo’s off-the-hook and Nichols has got them runnin’ smooth. They’re gonna be tough to beat fundraisin’, and my intel on ‘em is they’re gonna produce big time on the diamond. They’re goin’ off at 4-1.
One Hit Wonders: This here’s a team that could ruin my book. High school athletes all over the place, possible starting catcher coming up from Houston, TX; a pitcher coached up by the guy French, and players who can run all over the map all day long. These Wonders could melt and miss the playoffs or be holdin’ up the trophy on Saturday. Lack of experience could be the difference, so I’m going 7-1.
Broadview Bombers: The kid Pascento’s no longer a kid. He’s a man bringin’ back his sergeant-at-arms Dillon Ash after a brief hiat..hiatu…break… a BREAK! Reports are Big Mike P can still go yard and they’ll be bringin’ some other pisans from the 6th borough in CT. Word is organizers and umpires could be bribed with a few pies from Pepe’s. These guys are always tough, these guys. And they do the bat flip nice. I have ‘em 5-1.
Citizen Cider: CC captain Kris Nelson was tellin’ my source they’re loaded this year, and it ain’t the cider! They got a Dirty Mayor and a Northern Spy in the lineup. Sounds like some guys in the city I know. CC’s schedule could be, what you might say, accomodatin’. Yeah, it could accommodate. Then again, who knows? The late Friday night game against them Lions Striders will be a kick to watch. 10-1.
Team O’Day: Average height on this team is 6’4”. That’s a strike zone the size of Jersey! Aaron Judge wouldn’t be the tallest player on this team. Despite what captain Ethan O’Day says, Carly can play. So can Nicole. So can Hayden, and Ernie. No homers over Little Fenway’s RF wall will occur with this crew. Top level athletes throughout the lineup; should be able to manufacture some wins. I say 8-1.
Hallam ICS: First year last year, got a taste of success. Made the playoffs, the guy Abair says they’re pumped. Upcoming scrimmages with Open Tempo SLAMmers could be backyard brawls that get ‘em seasoned for a deep playoff push. These engineer-types gotta engineer them some runs. Games against Breaking Ballers and Da Bulls could be the difference between a playoff run and the showers. I got ‘em at 9-1.